Sunday, November 25, 2012

Krazy Glue, Krazy Glue, Where Art Thou Krazy Glue?

I can honestly say I don’t know what I would do without Krazy Glue.  It’s been a staple in my home for a number of years now.  It’s marketed as being able to fix just about anything and I can completely and utterly corroborate that.  Of course, I’ve expanded its benefits beyond traditional usage, but hey, who hasn’t?  A couple of incidents come to mind when I think of the relationship I have had with Krazy Glue over the years...

The first one had to do with my nine iron--I’ve been playing golf for over 20 years now and absolutely love it.  I’ve had the same clubs in my bag for probably too long, but regardless, they still do the trick.  I was in the parking lot at one of my favourite golf courses in Richmond, Country Meadows, and as I was getting my clubs out of the trunk of my old Neon, I remembered that the last time I golfed, the head of my nine iron flew off from the shaft and just about killed someone.  Fortunately, I had my handy tube of Krazy Glue in the glovebox, and thought it would be the perfect time to fix the iron while I was waiting for my Mom to arrive.  

The main issue with Krazy Glue “mistakes” have to do with the fact that the glue is clear when it comes out the tube, so unless you are paying careful attention and watching how much of the glue is coming out and where it is actually going (which I’m sure most of the population does), you could have a major problem, like the one I was about to have.  I was able to easily get plenty of glue out to secure the head of the club to the shaft but didn’t realize that some of the glue had seeped out onto my hand and before I knew it, the club was stuck to my hand.  I then went to put the club down on the carpeted trunk, but the glue was still seeping out of the club head, which then glued the club to the trunk with my hand attached to it.  My Mom then drove up and came over to my car, and because my Mom knows me so well, she was not surprised in the least that I managed to glue myself to my car.  Fortunately for me, she had a big bottle of hand sanitizer, which, thanks to the alcohol content, was able to free me from my precarious position.

Another major Krazy Glue incident involved a Biore strip.  The ladies will remember these, but for those fellas out there, Biore strips were invented back in the 80’s to pull all those lovely blackheads out of your nose--I actually remember them being quite effective.  Fast-forward 20 years, I decided one night to slap one of those strips on my nose, being very, very careful not to press around my nose piercing (a winding little piece of metal inside my nose with a cute, feminine little pretend diamond on the outside).  You’re suppose to leave the strips on for about 20 minutes, but I went about my business, completely forgetting about the strip and roughly 2 hours later, I scratched my nose and went, “Oh sh*t, the Biore strip!”.  Let’s just say you don’t want those things attached to your nose for longer than they say.  I had to ever so slowly peel it off with tons of water and plenty of screaming.  It left a huge red welt on my nose, and when I looked a little closer, I realized that it also pulled out the little diamond in my piercing.  So, down on the bathroom floor I went to find THE smallest thing that I have ever had to find on a bathroom floor.

After about 10 minutes crawling around next to my cat Dexter, who just wanted to head-butt me over and over, I found it!  The question now was how to get that tiny little thing back into the claw from whence it came.  And, like the answer to many of my “fix it” questions, the answer was...yes, you guessed it, Krazy Glue!

Now, I know what you’re thinking--who in their right mind would use Krazy Glue to adhere something so delicate to something that is attached to a body part.  Incidentally, I don’t recall ever saying I have ever been in my right mind.  Out came the tweezers and the glue, and again, I can’t seem to judge clear substances coming out of a tube, so before I knew it, I had way too much glue in the claw of my piercing, but I quickly shoved the little stone in and it held!  I dabbed away the excess glue with extreme haste, and voila!  My problem was solved (and I was extremely proud of myself)--until the next morning.

I woke up (thank god it was a Saturday) to a funny, stiff feeling around my nose.  One look in the mirror and I could see that my piercing was clearly glued completely to my nose.  Oh, and the red welt from the damn Biore strip was still clearly visible as well.  Oh, and it hurt, A LOT.

There was only one guy that I could get to help me--my piercing guy, Elwood.  He had a shop in Richmond at the time, and he was “the guy” when it came to putting holes into flesh, so I was hoping he could fix my little situation.  I was a tad embarrassed not because of what I had done, but rather, I had a HUGE crush on him so I was really looking forward to showing him what an idiot I was...not.  I got to the shop and once I sheepishly told him what I had done, he managed to cart everyone who worked there into the room.  Maybe it was to help, maybe it was to suggest what to do? was to have a good laugh because who on earth would ever put Krazy Glue anywhere near their face?  He was able to free me from my gilded Krazy Glue cage, and as I walked out of the shop with the laughter now far behind me, I too thought of the humour in the situation.  

To this day, Krazy Glue remains and always will remain my go-to fix-all solution.  Are people frightened when I pull out that little tube of dreamy gluey heaven given my history?  Yes, they are.  Will I carry on using it for ever and ever, no matter what I get stuck to or what sticks to me?  Most definitely!

1 comment:

  1. Ahh my sister from another mother.....remind me to tell you about the time I glued my eye shut...with you guessed it....Krazy Glue!