Thursday, September 19, 2013

Mars and Venus Venture Off Course

A friend’s recent situation inspired me to write this blog post. I’ve always thought that the older we get, the more respectful we become as a person, with friends and family, and also with matters of the heart. What I’m discovering is that it appears to be quite the opposite at times. My friend’s relationship issue just showed me a glimpse of how much we protect ourselves at the risk of hurting others, and it made me stop and think.

I suppose it’s actually society that sits at the top of the food chain when it comes to interpersonal communication, but it’s always the relationship between men and women that is highlighted. Assumptions are abundant, and everything has to mean something these days. Why? A simple gesture of being polite or neighbourly is greeted with a frown or massive look of confusion. Oh my god! I smiled at you--I clearly want to marry you and have your children. Yeah right.

My belief system is based on the concept “Do what you want, as long as you don’t harm anyone or anything”. I consider myself to be quite selfish at times, but not to the point where I hurt anyone. What I have seen as of late, specifically through my friend’s situation, is that some men AND women don’t seem to care if they hurt someone through their actions. Or, if they do care, they don’t show it, which, to the other person, is the same as not caring at all (mind-reading is not a typical human trait).

It makes no matter whether you’re in the dating world or not, women are always saying men are jerks. Men are always saying women are crazy. The reality is that some people are not only jerks but are also crazy, and more importantly, it transcends gender. There are some people out there that are just plain frightening regardless of whether they live on Mars or Venus, so to speak. Examples I’ve seen lately tell me that this whole Mars and Venus thing can really be just an excuse for men and women to act certain ways. I had one of my guy friends tell me years ago that it’s normal for guys to cheat because they have been hardwired since the beginning of time to plant their seed. If we were still in the Paleolithic Era I would say yes, I see your point. But last time I checked, it’s 2013...give me a f’ing break.

If we agree that we’re all human (although there are some people that believe aliens have invaded the planet), then unless you are mentally incapacitated, is it fair to say that most people, whether you are a guy or a girl, know the carnal difference between right and wrong? You can assume the answer is yes, but what I am discovering, which should be no surprise, is that everyone acts, thinks, talks, reacts, etc. based on what they have been exposed to and what they have experienced in their life. So the answer is really a big, fat, subjective “no”, and moreover, trying to logicalize someone’s behaviour can drain your brain. I’ve learned to realize that unless you have lived in that person’s exact shoes, you’ll never really know how they see things. One reality; two different experiences and viewpoints <enter relationship issues>.

Bizarre and illogical behaviour comes in all shapes and sizes. I’ve seen people get dumped through a text. Or how many times have I heard, “He just never called me again”. Been there myself. What I find interesting is the lack of respect that seems to be extremely abundant and come to the forefront amongst the population in recent years, and is now (or I’m just noticing it) popping up my generation (I’m in my early 40’s). With the age of social media growing exponentially, I am hopeful that my generation for the most part is still at the stage of open and honest communication that doesn’t involve hiding behind our opposable thumbs. My hopefulness has now turned to more of a cautiously optimistic stance, but it’s positive nonetheless.

Time and energy are two things that should be carefully spent. You only have so much of each. I choose to live my life where I will continue to put myself out there to be kind, courteous, and communicative to my fellow humans, man or woman, whether I know them or not, and whether they like it or not. My intentions are always good. I will always have a smile on my face. The filter is shrinking with age, and I’m finding it easier to ditch the political correctness (how can you tell).

I wish for all of us that we can just say what we want to say, always with respect, but just get it out. And most importantly, whether you’re a Martian or a Venusian, garner the respect you deserve, give others the respect they deserve, and always be true to yourself. Life is just so much happier that way...that, and karma can be a bit of a bitch.

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